Teasing The screaming laundry: by: ben embry
Lusting teenagers as of late have been getting attacked by mongoloid raccoons in dark wooded areas. THE youth have ignored the warnings and the squeals of hot raccoon lovemaking in the sweltering summer heat.
Jake did not give a damn about the abnormal animal copulating. He just wanted to try to feel up Tina in the backseat of his mothers’ car, and explore her lower glass beaver and commence the slippery goodness. He had been late arriving to her house because he had to finish watching the Friday Night Action Extravaganza in which a super evil elf, addicted to shampooing, thought it would be a good idea to unleash the world’s first menacing wax hula hoop while also at the same time attempting to smuggle a gigantic lucky robot of death onto American shores. Luckily, the ‘ armies were wearing their newly issued pork dumplings and succeeded in kicking the slippery wet robot of death TO death when it emerged from the ocean and the nation celebrated by rocking their BIG donuts. He never missed the F.N.A.E. He could not wait for next week’s movie, an apocalyptic zombie film, where the protagonists fight back finally escaping the undead horde by throwing massive water balloons filled with a super secret government chemical that forces the monsters to eat themselves instead of eating the remaining humans, just barely letting them escape to the ocean where they shake hands with the sentient dolphin population and go to live in their underwater metropolis.
Tina was furious, when he finally showed up. All she wanted to do was escape her house where she was being forced to entertain her parents’ friends’ pathetic children. This entailed playing over and over again in the basement a game that they liked to call “locating the duck”, while upstairs her parents and their friends were going to town, slamming each others wives’ salty eyeballs into the back of their heads. Tina immediately threatened Jake by telling him that she would not pleasure his little rubber snake and he could definitely forget about walking on her wet pocket and there was no chance in hell he was going to be busting her tiny lower curtain. He apologized profusely as he led her to the car so they could drive to the woods.
The woods were void of human life; there were certainly enough horny mongoloid raccoons. Jake drove onto the dirt road, amidst the thick fog and the animal sex noises. He drove until the road became blocked by a fallen tree and turned off the car. Earlier in the day he had gone trolling for the sly dragon so now they were able to blow down the screaming canyon. They were going to get fucked up on these new drugs and then hopefully in no time he would be lubing the gravy with Tina, and they would blow their stainless steel light bulbs at the same time. They brought with them the blankets, liquor, and a select few pleasure toys and walked to their secret clearing in the middle of the woods, strategically dodging rutting vermin. It was a particularly furious group mating session, and the creatures did not really pay any attention to the teenagers in their midst. Just in case though, Jake was carrying his wet burping wombat. Wet burping wombats are mongoloid raccoon’s greatest enemies. They made it safely to the clearing, and Jake and Tina simultaneously gasped and dropped what was in their hands. Liquor, double sided dildos and one wet burping wombat scattered across the ground. Their secret clearing in the woods, suddenly was not so secret, and was anything but cleared. Assaulting their ocular cavities were the most horrendous yet beautiful sights they had ever seen.
In the middle of the clearing was a massive tent. Outside of the tent were posters, giant representations of what presumably was being offered for your viewing pleasure. Provocative glimpses of flesh would flash in front of their eyes beyond the tent entrance. Feelings of desire and disgust ran through both the teenagers as they slowly put one foot in front of the other moving closer to what was obscured. Off to the side of the biggest tent were smaller areas, stages that offered chills and thrills, typical normal freak show attractions such as: the bearded woman porpoise, the man who could never die, who over and over again would kill himself with his enormous samurai gun sword, alternately blowing body parts off, only to have them instantly reform, and committing hari-kari, eviscerating his insides that would magnificently spill out on to his 22 ½ inch rainbow glitter platform boots, and the moist tin snow man who you could board for two dollars, and experience a five minute robot winter and get various body parts pierced and tattooed by the midget who when he wasn’t at the circus made his living by impersonating on a smaller scale of course famous rock acts. The main event apparently began in two minutes if the scarecrow man on the giant bullfrog who was wearing a top hat screaming at them with two frog heads, two human arms, three cat eyes and one extremely short giraffe leg was to be believed. Jake and Tina got their tickets which appeared to be printed on dried sections of what looked suspiciously like human skin from the harlequin baby with the red laser eyes, and walked into the attraction.
The giant center ring was splattered with day-glo paint, and everything else around it was lacquered with black. Strobe lights flashed intermittingly illuminating for the briefest of seconds’ humanoid shapes. They took their seats next to another teenage couple, the audience in fact seemed to be made up entirely of young men and women. The floor beneath their seats suddenly opened thrusting popcorn tubs into Jake and Tina’s hands. Instead of golden fluffy kernels though, the tubs were filled to the brim with Technicolor body parts, which apparently were collected from the man who could never die. Not afraid to try new things, Jake and Tina started to voraciously munch on the candy colored delights, which to their surprise tasted exactly like chicken. What little light there was in the performing area was extinguished and the only thing that was visible was the glowing center before them. They heard its arrival before they saw it. Massive and grotesque, Jake almost spewed the pinkie finger he had been eating all over the girl that was sitting in front of him, as Tina started regurgitating eyeballs back into her bucket. The ground shook as its monstrous frame took to the center platform and a boa microphone came from the ceiling stopping in front of the face, which was the perfect image of beauty, enhanced by the gold makeup which perfectly set off the glitter of the prom dress. Surrounding the obvious ring leader were others of its kind. All of which had perfect make- up and matching dresses. It began to announce: “Welcome all to the extravaganza of your lifetime, I am your host, Ravishing Rachel, and I can guarantee you that you have never before witnessed anything like what you are about to see. Fuck clowns, fuck lions, elephants, and bears, fuck tight rope walkers, fuck lithe little trapeze artists. This ain’t your pussy parent’s circus that’s for damn sure! We have animals, but mostly just the lower halves, the top are beautiful androgynous specimens of perfection!! We cannot do gymnastics for as you can see the majority of us are morbidly obese, fuck skinny bitches! You are invited before the night’s over to befriend the syndrome of FABULOUSNESS and change the VIRUS that has until this moment been the paltry existence that you call your lives. And if you will allow, I will reveal to you now our true essence! She closed her mouth and the music roared up, cymbals and drums crashing as the audience’s eyes were held open with lipstick tube hands that came from the inside of the back of their seats. Jake and Tina were becoming embarrassingly aroused, and apparently so was the rest of the audience. The combination of the operatic zydeco with the violins and percussion along with the visual image of naked morbidly obese transsexuals, throwing glitter and oil, thrusting into each other and the tranimals (transsexual, animal hybrids) was just too much and as one the audience was brought to climax helped by the strategically placed floating lips. The fornication suddenly stopped and Rachel began to speak again. “Now your new lives begin, now through extensive and absolutely FREE cosmetic and invasive bodily surgery you too will always be perfect, always be FABULOUS”!! Our invasion has been successful, now we can go from town to town, city to city, and spread our message of BEAUTY and LOVE!
Jake froze, or at least quit squirming for unfortunately the chair had become a giant moist sticky wet tongue that was keeping him and everybody else glued to the spot. His face was turned towards Tina and she was crying and screaming and bringing herself to another climax on the wet tongue who was furiously giving her pleasure as she kept repeating “I am fabulous”! Jake knew that this time he definitely had taken way too many fucking drugs. He thought it could not get any worse but then a series of tranimals came up and down the aisles fastening collars to everyone’s neck, while sticking their claw appendages into their foreheads to reveal what Rachel had not told them. Not only were they now slaves and whores, they were also through an extremely painful, long, process going to be transformed into transsexual robot aliens. Jake wailed, as the makeup was applied and the sparkling prom dress was shoved over him, with the back cut out so his ass was constantly exposed, wishing for all the world that he was in front of the television watching the weekly Friday Night Action Extravaganza.
The transformation from human teenager to transsexual robot alien was to say the least, highly demeaning. Jake’s middle class American upbringing revolted at his new heightened femininity. Only women and queers were supposed to wear makeup, skirts and dresses. His constant state of half-nakedness was disconcerting. You were supposed to be clothed when you went outdoors, not exposed for all to see, vulnerable. The pain of his surgery - the implantation of the chip that would dissolve his human mental faculties, the grafting of certain alien appendages that miraculously adapted and adhered to his human skin and bones rendering him Rachel’s completely willing servant – was so unbearable that Jake was amazed that his body didn’t give out, quit working, simply stop living. Unfortunately, he lived, and goddamn if he wasn’t fabulous every time he looked in the mirror. Soon enough, he forgot that he had once been a normal teenage male, coming to always think that he had never looked so good with such and such amount of glitter all over his body (usually blue) and that certain shade of lipstick that really brought out the poutiness in his lips, or how the chartreuse dress was far more flattering in the hot sweltering lights than the yellow one. His assimilation was successful.
Tina always a girl slightly on the trashy side, took to her transformation with aplomb, getting off on the physical pain that she endured through her transformation into a gorgeous robot alien sex doll. Rachel decided Tina was going to participate in a new experiment, where she would be simultaneously three dimensional and two dimensional. Her outer body would be flat as a piece of paper, while her inner body would be normal and unaltered. Tina was, after all, a little rough around the edges.
Mrs. Glossinetti’s son Jake had been missing for months, after disappearing on a Friday night and never returning. They found her car abandoned in a wood clearing, but no sign of Jake or his girlfriend Tina was ever recovered. The local authorities allowed her car to stay where it was, a sort of found memorial for her missing only child. Every month, on the evening of his disappearance she came to the car to pay her respects. The ground around the site was strangely littered with animal droppings and raccoons, which had died in an apparent frenzy of lust, glitter and confetti. She never paid much attention to her surroundings, always focusing on the abandoned car, willing for her son to reappear, thinking that if she thought of him hard and long enough, he would materialize from the back seat, taking a break from pleasuring his girlfriend, or walk up out of the woods, laughing and slightly buzzed, holding leftover picnic items. So far this had not happened, and she did not expect this night to be any different. The noise of various woodland creatures met her ears, singing and rustling. Just behind these normal noises of animal life she could discern something she had never heard before on her previous trips of remembrance. Music and constant shouting, screams of excitement. She crossed into the woods walked towards the noises and soon came to a large clearing. She took in the massive tent, and the giant bullfrog. She walked to the right of the main tent, and could not move. In front of her was a young man that seemed strangely familiar, she gasped, and silent tears started to roll down her cheeks. Except for the perfectly applied makeup the glittery prom dress, and the double sided dildo that was hanging out of his ass, Mrs. Glossinetti was certain that this was her son. This was her Jake. For some reason he was being forced to sequester glass chickens. Behind him, on a raised platform bed, she could hear moans of pleasure. She moved to the left, and a flickering of remembrance flashed into her mind. The girl on the bed that was being pleasured by the monkey was Jakes girl, Tina. It looked like she had been caught beneath a massive rolling pin, for she was completely two dimensional, flat as a piece of paper. The scarecrow on the bullfrog started to yell, and against her will, Mrs. Glossinetti found her feet moving towards the entrance of the main tent, and the bright fluorescent darkness.
The extravagant spectacle started, and Mrs. Glossinetti’s face broke into a wide smile. For now she could finally be who she really thought she always was a fantastic giver of pleasure, not a boring frumpy middle aged house wife any longer, with conservative uptight moralistic beliefs and views of the world. But the queen of a brothel that catered to her new family, with her son by her side. Regardless of the fact that he wasn’t exactly the son she once loved, he was still fabulous all the same.